The Quantum Sausage

 My girlfriend and I were working in a bank in switzerland, it should be a very secure place where money could be kept safely but as you will see it is not very secure, luckily we get away with it unscathed. Read on to find out more… 

I was working in a bank called ‘The first bank of Switzerland’. We would drive our car down a small driveway, park the car and get out. We would take the key from under a plant pot where we kept it for safekeeping, we would get the key and open the back door. I was a girl and I was with my girlfriend, we went into the bank and we started counting the money we made the day before. All of a sudden, two armed bank robbers came in and said ‘Give me all the money you have there” We pressed a special button under the counter and bulletproof shutters came down very quickly and the police were called automatically. Armed police cars came, you could not tell they were police cars because they were unmarked and the police were wearing normal clothes. They came into the bank and said “Police! Put your weapons on the floor and put your hands over your head”, if you do not comply, we will shoot you right now and we can see you are not wearing an ICD. So don’t bother pretending. You now have three seconds before we kill you. 3…2…” and they put their weapons on the floor and their hands up. We could see what was happening on the CCTV camera and the police took the guns which turned out to be replicas. When the would-be robbers had been taken to the police cars and driven away, we opened the shutters and the two other policemen said “Are you girls okay? You don’t feel stressed? And I presume these shutters are bulletproof? It is a good set-up you have. “ My girlfriend said “Thank you officer” to the officer who looked pleased with himself. His colleague pointed out we were together and he looked a bit stupid because this was common knowledge. They checked all of our security equipment and said “it’s the best we have seen in a long time and we do this every day. Some people even put their keys under a plant pot”. We got a decent locksmith on the same day and they recommended all sorts of security devices. We paid for it all and had it installed the same day. We kept the plant pot because we liked it which did not do anything and it was harmless, we kept the now redundant key under the plant pot to deter anyone stupid enough to think we kept a key under the plant pot. The new security system required you to scan your retina to open the first lock, then your fingerprint and then your voice which it would recognise.  These had to be done in the right order otherwise it would lock for 24 hours and the police would becalled. Now it was a really good set-up and very secure. We could not believe we had kept a key under a plant pot and the officers had laughed about this, we felt very silly and couldn’t believe our luck so far without being caught unawares but now everyday was safe and sound as a bank should be.